happy freakin international women's day (don't offer your hijab as a cloth for boys to wipe their tears on when they ask why they don't get an international men's day okay l o l)
-- this is going to hurt / I was right. I wonder how many white kids ever stop to think about the fact that almost every single one of their tutors and supervisors is also white, in comparison to how often poc kids think about it. I'm pretty sure most of the people in my classes don't, unless a teacher explicitly discusses it. I guess to them it's normal. it means nothing. to us, it's a big deal (well, all 5 of us ---). especially in history. you never get to learn about your history from your people. to be honest, you barely learn your history anyway. the history of poc is mostly reserved for one week under the theme of 'Race & Gender'. sometimes 'Slavery' is scattered in for good measure. & even then, they're still taught within western frameworks and constructed around European understandings. & sometimes that can be so isolating. I had a conversation with someone recently about feeling imposter syndrome at uni because not only were his tutors all white, but almost all his classmates were too. that feeling when anyone mentions a poc and looks at you, including your teachers, absolutely sucks. no-one wants to be the 'POC Authority' (as my friend calls it) in every classroom, they'd rather there was just more representation around them. My friend asked me yesterday if I ever get tired of writing about colonialism in uni essays because she does. & yes, I do. It's tiring to always keep repeating the same points but using different case studies. But then I remember why I'm always writing about it, & how the freaking education curriculum needs to be decolonised & how tonnes of people still think The British Empire was kind and benevolent and we should all go back to the Good Old Days. Someone find me a bucket so I can puke.
showing up & being there for people is weird. it's complicated. working out what kind of 'being there' is right for that moment. which one will help, which one will hurt. even if all you want to do is the right thing, it's really not that easy to know. no-one is a mind-reader. everyone is just stumbling through life making choices and hoping they're the good one,,,,, sometimes you might get it wrong. scratch that, you will get it wrong. & I guess there's nothing you can do except try your best & hope it's good enough. come back again. show up. exist. maybe serenade them the friends theme song. you do know I'll always be there for you,,,, right? (I finished 13 reasons why yesterday - so I guess this post was mildly inspired by that, among other things. even though I hated it. & I knew I'd hate it. but yeah -- if you have also seen it,,,, thoughts?)
& this time I mean the small things. you know that Nice Person trope you hear about all the time, the one where that person helped an old lady with her shopping. it's a tired story isn't it. it's the epitome of a Nice Person Helping Someone. but it doesn't matter how many times you hear it; it's not a tired gesture. I always think about how what might seem like a minor action to you can have such major significance in someone's life, because you really don't know what anyone is going through around you. I feel like we've been conditioned so much to be focused and driven and purposeful that we become numb to our surroundings & the crowd becomes a faceless mass rather than an actual collective of human beings & not just obstacles in our path. & I guess it only properly hits you when you're the one that needs the Small Thing (which honestly isn't really a small thing). when you're having an awful day & someone is kind to you and it genuinely fills your heart up and makes you so happy and grateful. I saw this meme recently about girls who watch as a boy goes to interact with another girl and makes sure they know each other and she is safe, before going on with their day. it was so relatable. but it also made me think about all the times something has happened in public and people just look away so they don't have to be involved, and how crushing that feeling is when you are surrounded by people but they look through you because it's more convenient for them not to see you. and then it also made me think about other things, like how people will walk by someone asking for money and not even acknowledge them, not even bother to apologise in their rejection, and how much I hate it every time I see it. how much I hate that disregard for other people and what they are dealing with. & sure, it takes effort (even if it's minimal) but still, it's an active choice to be kind. just like it's an active choice to be impartial and neutral and ignore anything that does not directly affect you. but to me that effort is worth it, even if you never get to see how much of a positive impact some of your actions can have. who knows, it could even create a ripple effect.
today's salty caption is brought to you by someone very tired. someone who always prays in public places because she is usually busy and out somewhere doing something. someone who always chooses a place that isn't in the way of anyone. someone who is usually kind of annoyed that even in major buildings or shopping centres there is no dedicated prayer room or faith space, but that doesn't stop her from praying wherever she can find an adequate space because refuses to miss a prayer just because she is not at home. but also - someone who doesn't find it particularly comfortable to pray in public, because people suck. oh wait yes, the someone is me. and I am so darn exhausted of ignorant and disrespectful people staring at me and giving me daggers and talking loudly about me while I am trying to concentrate on my prayer and moaning that I shouldn't be praying where people can see me (even though I am in a corner and in absolutely no one's way. even though I spend ages trying to find a suitable place where I won't annoy anyone and disturb anyone and I'm not obstructing anyone's path or even in a place where many people can see me) and also honestly who led you to believe it is okay to walk directly in front of me on purpose while I am praying, on top of my prayer mat with your shoes, and then laugh as I carry on praying and you walk off????????????????? sick and tired guys, I am sick & tIRED.
i made some A5 art prints ! & you can buy them if you want ??? one print: £4 two prints: £7 three prints: £10 (inc. UK shipping) (i'm happy to post anywhere but you'll need to cover any extra cost) --- DM me to place an order pls ok tyvm
do you ever just feel squeezed. like someone is holding you in the palm of their hand and choking your heart. & your brain is just one big scribble of broken crayon and blunt pencils. & sometimes you forget to breathe. or blink. because your mind is running laps round the world & it's tiring you out and you're too focused to remember to do anything else except think. & think. & think. remember to do this remember to complete that remember to finish this remember to bring that remember to eat and drink and don't forget to help her don't forget to remind him remember to email them remember you have a deadline you have a seminar you have a project you have books to collect you need to organise that and make sure this goes smoothly and oh don't forget to research that thing and write down that thought and ---- wow. ask for space. make space. take space. you're allowed to cancel, and reschedule, and snooze your alarm 5x if you need to. & also, just slow down. stare up at the stars. take a deep breath and be grateful. / #artbyhawwa
it's so easy to forget to breathe. to forget that the sun is shining. to walk past the blossoms cascading down the side of a wall and dive deep into a pit of sadness. to inhale the negativity around you and just never exhale. but those moments, they fill up your heart the most. watching the sunset with your favourite person. singing your heart out as the night flies by. laughing at a joke that isn't even funny until your sides ache. yes, it all sounds cheesy but -- if you don't like cheese then ??? that's a whole other issue / moaning might be the most therapeutic action I undertake but -- still always grateful.