You know what is so sad? I was asked to do an Instagram takeover for one of the world's LARGEST pregnancy/motherhood accounts out there. I spent hours creating content to share about Evy's story and James' story only to be told after I submitted everything that they couldn't share my story because it would provoke fear for moms and was too hard to read. 😔They share about nursing struggles and lack of sleep and stretch marks.... but I guess sharing about being pregnant and carrying a baby with a fatal diagnosis is where the line is crossed. They told me that they want their audience to be inspired, welcomed & safe. I shed a lot of tears when I told Michael because there is something so sad about hearing that your child's story is too hard for people to read about. When this account first reached out to me, I SPECIFICALLY ASKED if it was ok to share James' story and explained that we had lost him at 31 weeks.... and they said it was ok. So I worked hard on this all week. I was supposed to share a total of 6 posts with corresponding images. I had everything done and submitted.... and it was supposed to go live today. It's interesting how this world works today. This company is afraid that my story will make other pregnant women too fearful but yet they seem to forget that there are tens of thousands of pregnant women who will find themselves in ultrasound rooms with news of complications with their baby. Pregnancy journeys aren't perfect.... they are messy and terrifying and joyful and complicated. Miscarriages happen to 1 in every 3 pregnant women. Stillbirths are a real thing. Chromosomal abnormlaties are a real thing. Our story may make us the minority in the pregnancy world... but I know for a fact that there are so manyparents who are desperate to hear that they can survive what we did. I know that there are thousands of moms who need support and encouragement as they carry their babies with serious complications. If nursing woes, stretch marks & lack of sleep are the only struggles that this account cares to share with their audience out of fear, I find that disappointing & far from authentic. Pregnancies aren't a walk in the park. (cont in comments)
We have almost made it home from one crazy adventure. All TEN of us flew to Chicago, drove five hours to see our family in Wisconsin and then drove back to Chicago to fly to Florida to visit more family. 4 flights, 5 states, 2 toddlers and one pregnant lady... and we still love each other!! Congrats to my little sister and her husband Joe! Baby number two will be here in January!! @emilymalizia @joe.malizia #nationalsisterday #ilovemyfamily
How do these two look like they are ready to start kindergarten?! They have grown and changed so much recently. I don’t know what it is about this stage, but I find myself thinking about the grown ups they will become one day and what we need to be doing to raise them to be kind and love the Lord. The more I read, think and worry, the more I realize that it’s not up to me. You would think that after what we’ve lived through, I would realize that everything is up to God and I just have to trust Him... but that’s not always natural for me. I can’t force Evy become kind and loving.... we can only show her examples of what that looks like and guide her in the right direction. I don’t like it, but the truth is, my best chance of raising a kind, God-fearing child is through focusing on my relationship with the Lord instead of trying to control everything. Same for my marriage, my friendships, etc. This is the greatest thing I’ve learned through 3 years of life coaching/marriage counseling. The change I often want to see starts with me. In some way, that takes away the pressure and the need-to-control and shifts everything back to something I can control which is my own heart. Being a parent has made me realize that there is something new at risk if I allow myself to fall away from truth and my own passion for the Lord. I have a VERY sassy, determined and spunky 18 month old girl who needs a momma who is patient, loving and is constantly depending on Jesus to get through her days. One day I hope I look back and realize how thankful I am that I decided to let go of my attempt to control and allowed myself to fully trust a God who has never failed me. I also hope she learns to throw her tantrums without smacking the floor because that is going be really embarrassing when she does that in public for the first time. We’re working on that. 😂🙄#theterribletwoscameearly #cousinsnottwins
Well... I shot this maternity session this week with a completely broken Mark IV. The auto focus crapped out on me and the LCD screen was dead. I was focusing manually for every. Single. Shot. I was also judging if my color and exposure were good solely off of my knowledge and a meter that was going in and out. There was no way to check and I immediately remembered why I respect film photographers so much! It was frustrating but I was so proud of myself when I uploaded my card. This shoot was a reminder to me that I know my stuff. I’m not bound to the crutch of my LCD screen and I can technically shoot well without that luxury. I mean, I never want to manually focus an entire shoot ever again but since we’re on vacation and I didn’t bring a backup, I was rather proud of what I accomplished given the current situation!!! And the best part? It’s going to be a KJ ALL ACCESS episode! 😂🙈👍🏻 ps. Swipe to see this same couple on this same lake 7 years ago!!!! Yes! They water skied in their wedding attire and it was awesome!!! This is a classic #KJCOUPLE right here!!!!
It hasn’t even been three months and I already have a hard time remembering what it was like to carry him. Looking back I wish I had cherished being pregnant more. I did for the most part but there were definitely days of begging God to take the pain away from both me and James. I just wanted Him to take my baby to heaven and end both of our suffering. Words still fall short when I try to express what it felt like in this picture... carrying a baby who is alive but dying. We are doing really well right now but I’m realizing that my feeling of relief that I experienced after surviving the season represented in this photo has faded and the reality that I have a baby sized urn on a dresser in our room instead of a bassinet beside the bed has set in. It’s easy to feel like the onset of a new wave of grief is a setback but I know it’s just a part of the process. Today our marriage counselor encouraged me to view each sting of pain that creeps up on me as an invitation from God to allow Him to do work and heal another part of my broken heart. It’s hard to choose that in the midst of feeling like life is unfair.... but I know that’s my best choice. I know that the same God who gave me Evy is the same God who allowed James to enter heaven before entering this world. The same God can’t be both good and bad. I know he’s good. Deep down I know he has a plan and a purpose for the pain. I’m fighting to believe that in the moments where I’m overcome with sadness and wishing I had a baby to hold instead of an album to flip through. It’s those hard moments that I praise God for Evy.. even though she isn’t much into being held these days. 😉 This journey will be a long one... but I know we’re not alone. He hasn’t left us and this isn’t the end of our story..... I have a feeling it’s just the beginning. ❤️ #jamesmichaelalsop
As of tonight, our house is only home to one family. The past seven months we have shared our home with my sister, brother in law and their baby boy. They moved into our basement apartment just weeks before our entire world fell apart. God knew what we needed before we ever had a clue. Having Joe, Emy and Micah in our home during the hardest season of our life was such a gift. Our home has always been a sacred place to us but In the midst of our hurt, it became our haven. We literally had our support system built in. Nurses, doctors and social workers at the hospital kept asking if we had a good support system to go home to and I just kept thinking “oh my gosh if you only knew!!” Emy was there to help me take care of Evy and let me sob in the office when I couldn’t keep it together. Joe was there to talk and go to the movies with Michael (sometimes EVERY week!) when he just needed a break from everything, Micah made Evy’s day every morning when he came upstairs to play. They have literally walked through EVERY SINGLE PART of our pain with us & that is something I think we’ll all remember for our entire lives. It’s funny to me that I thought we were the ones doing them a favor and it turns out that they were our saving grace. This season sharing our home and our lives together so intimately has been so much fun and a season that I will look back on a cherish. It’s really hard to explain how much we have loved it. It’s sad to see them go... and I think they may have been a little sad to go too simply because they have owned this house since the middle of June and took their sweet time moving in!!!! We loved living life with them... and even though it will never be like it was when we lived under one roof, we are excited to continue to share life with them because they are only 7 minutes away!!! Our babies will go to school together!!!! 😭 They bought the most beautiful home!! This house came on the market and after one showing, we all knew it was going to be theirs! We are going to miss our built-in movie watching buddies, built in chef, built-in babysitters, and built in community!.... But we are so excited for them and this wonderful new season that they’re in!