It's too easy to dismiss a child's feelings or get angry at the inconvenience of them in our adult world. . Dismissing a child's feelings is not like dismissing an adult's feelings, it shapes how a child goes on to process their emotions for the rest of their lives which has a huge impact on their mental health.
It's understandable why a parent would really want their child to be 'OK' & 'happy', but when we repeatedly deny a child's other feelings they enivitably pick up a message that their frustration or sadness or fears are not welcome. Since these feelings are natural & healthy they do not disappear, they can only escalate or get suppressed until they manifest in another, more confusing way.
Dismissing or shutting someone's emotions down may be instinctive & common but we now know it's damaging to our nervous system. . Most of us struggle now as adults to process our emotions effectively because we were raised being told not to be sad, angry or scared. We were punished for our emotions coming out & told to go to our room or be separate from our primary attachment figure if we didn't stop crying. . Just because we experienced this hurtful behaviour growing up doesn't mean we have to continue it. . It is vital to our mental health that we can externalise how we are feeling. The message we're looking for is I'm not going anywhere while you have your big scary feelings. 🙏🏼 💗
Each of these are ways we give away our value, autonomy & power. . They may be habits from childhood. They may feel like the 'norm'. They will never work out for you in the long run. 💗🙏🏼
A limited number of spaces have become available at my Harrogate practice. . If you would like a confidential, free 15min consultation please email or DM me.
Ongoing complaints in your intimate relationship or love life are significant. They may be revealing a bigger 'lack' within you (& not your partner so much). . What are you wanting? More understanding? More support? More validation? More attention? More freedom? . The partners we're drawn to, stay with, the way we interpret them & what we focus on might be showing us our childhood programming. Resolving the issues at the root & rectifying them in ourselves can be more beneficial than continuing to focus on & blame our partner.
Were you raised on sentences such as... Don't cry No point being angry If you carry on being upset you'll go to your room You're not scared, don't be silly . These all aim to dismiss or discourage feelings & shut you down. I suggest we reprogram ourselves to express our feelings, we're always going to have them & it feels so good to be heard, validated & really understood on a deeper level.