Thrilled to be the official 2018 @adlfringe ambassador alongside my wife and doppelgänger @courtneyact. This is us at the official launch function just now drinking wine, clapping politely and being very fucking ambassadorial. Courtney is touring the country with her brand new show right now and she is bloody brilliant. It would be criminal not to go see her.
Hey tight asses, cheap skates and people with arts degrees! The good people over at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival are doing a $24 tickets for 24 hours sale on every single show at the festival - mine included. Bargain!! I’m like a Shamwow! It ends at 10am tomorrow morning so you have a little while left to organize your squad and snap up some tickets to see me live. I’m way hotter in person. Just head to the link in my bio or the Comedy Festival website. I'm pumped to be opening the show in Adelaide in a few weeks and then I'm all yours Melbourne! You can spend the money you save on charity... and by charity I mean an espresso martini before the show!
Lots of people posting messages to their partners on Instagram as if they’ve lost their number. Awks. So @jackstrattonsmith I would like to take this moment while you are in the shower and unable to stop me to tell you that let’s cut the shit - you have scored. I’m a fox. I have lovely smooth skin, am quite funny and drive a really fancy car. And because it’s Valentine’s day I am willing to overlook the fact it took you half a day to realize that that is my face in the photo and not @janetroachhw‘s. Really look forward to seeing you at dinner in about 45 seconds. I’ll probably reuse some of the jokes from this caption when I start to run out of conversation. Shine shine shine baby ❤️
I know you’re meant to play coy with things like awards. But I think it’s safe to say that I might need to be making space beside my nutri bullet for a new little friend starting with “Gold” and ending with “Logie”. Yes, tonight I make my debut on Neighbours as Ramsay street’s latest hussy. Now that I’m a soap star the world really is my oyster (or whatever is on the menu at Harold’s Cafe). Unsure whether to now record an album, start my own charity or marry a billionaire. The opportunities are endless! Now if you excuse me I need to go prepare for my first Christmas pantomime!
I’ll be popping on to @theprojecttv panel in a few minutes to give Lisa Wilkinson @lisa_wilkinson a very gay welcome to Channel Ten, discuss my upcoming stint on Neighbours which will probably see me win countless awards/ sign a recording contract... and also chat about my upcoming national tour! I’ll be hitting Adelaide, Canberra, Brisbane, Melbourne, Sydney and Perth. Tickets from the link in my bio. All brand new material and all the shit I’m not allowed to say on TV. 😉
Off to the tennis concert with @emirates tonight. Obviously my days of playing competitive mixed doubles as a teenager means I can AND SHALL be doing a lot of court side coaching. Going to be doing a bit of “Yes! Good one!” or “Work on that forehand, girlfriend!” or “For fucks sake come on” (that last one is to @jackstrattonsmith when he forgets to get me a drink from the bar). Very excited. I am also that person that just goes for whoever is winning. So I can tell you now that I’m already happy with tonight’s result!!! #emiratesreturn
I grew up watching the Wizard of Oz every single day (well that and my mum’s showreel). And like any self-respecting gay I was obsessed with the wicked witch and always wanted her to win. Unfortunately she never did. Spoiler alert: she is severely allergic to water. She didn’t win in the new Australian production of the Wizard of Oz either. But holy shit the show is so good and I cried a little bit during Somewhere Over the Rainbow but pretended I just had something in my eye because I’m cool. Also @lucydurack and @jemmarix_oz are so brilliant. But no surprises there. Here’s a photo of @jackstrattonsmith and I wearing @calibreaustralia before the show. I was approximately eleventy million times more excited than him.
YOU BETTER BELIEVE WE ARE FUCKING EXCITED!!! I CANNOT WAIT TO EAT A PIECE OF CHOCOLATE MOUSSE SHAPED AS A MANDARINE!!! @janellekoenig
Started the year with a trip to Bali. I am originally from Perth after all - it’s like an annual pilgrimage for us. Stayed at the gorgeous @whotels and I’m completely obsessed. I’m going to become one of those people who takes one trip to Bali and completely renovates their backyard with a tropical-theme and way too many water features. Also planning on starting every sentence over the next month “Well when I was in Bali...” or “Funny you mention is because the Balinese people have a saying that goes...”. Unfortunately I ended the last 24 hours with some sort of stomach bug. The doctors here were fantastic. I think that partly has to do with the amazing hotel but also because the doctors were convinced my boyfriend was James Franco. I ran with it, of course. Anywho here is a photo of me in our villa pool where I’m doing that thing where I don’t know the photo is being taken. So natural.