Thanks to @myer for a wonderful day at the Melbourne Cup. And thank you to the gorgeous peeps at @calibreaustralia and @bradda for putting these damn fines threads on us. We were obviously the best dressed people there as voted by 2 people (us). I'm not sure why I look minuscule next to @jackstrattonsmith but it's probably because I am. Also - I was loving myself sick being photographed when I arrived and then bloody Lleyton and Bec arrived and I was suddenly posing alone against a wall wondering where everyone went. Fun!
Can we please acknowledge one of the greatest photos I have ever been part of? This is me dressed as Australian of the Year, Ita Buttrose... sitting NEXT TO Australian of the Year Ita Buttrose who is dressed as Australian TV legend Denise 'Ding Dong' Drysdale whilst presenting a live national TV show. Sorry twinks in your slutty police man uniforms but this takes the fucking cake. Happy Halloween! Also I'm terrified for my life and really hope Ita is still talking to me.
People are going absolutely nuts for my book including Oprah and Gayle! They're obsessed with me! If you want me to sign you a copy IN PERSON I'll be at the Bookshop in Darlinghurst, Sydney at 5:30pm TODAY! If you're in Adelaide I'll be at Dillon's Bookshop at midday this Thursday and if you're in Perth... next Wednesday at 6pm at Boffin's Bookshop in the city or next Thursday at 4pm at Garden City. Melbourne dates to follow. Please spread the word so it's not just me and a sharpie sitting awkwardly in a bookshop. Cannot bloody wait to meet you all. I promise I smell really nice! And if you can't make a book signing you can grab my book from anywhere in the country right now! There's pictures!
Just had the honor of seeing one of the greats - @kathygriffin. Truly a complete and utter legend. This show is a master class in stand up, comedy, story telling and just plain fucking humanity. Here's a photo of me queening out backstage before the show. I almost combusted. We need comic's like Kathy now more than ever.
If you missed one of my 483 media appearances today - I have a book out! And I have been flogging the living shit out of it today. Step aside Dan Brown. Here is me looking slightly mad before shimmying my sweet ass on to @theprojecttv desk. Also I'm wearing a nipple cup under my shirt here and for the appearance. It was cold in the studio. I think I borrowed yours @bickmorecarrie?
Last night I launched my very first memoir 'Thirsty' and I can't quite believe it! If I don't make Oprah's book club I will be furious and will take Gayle hostage if I have to. My book will be in stores in about 10 days or you can pre-order from website now. It's taken me 2 years to write and it would mean the world to me if you read it. Or at least bought it so I got your money. Here's a photo from the red carpet last night with some beautiful ladies and Dannii Minogue!
I'm back on tour today and pretty devo after spending the past week with this guy in Wanaka, drinking wine and pronouncing town names wrong. Here is a photo of us half way down a black run we accidentally skied down. There were lots of little kids overtaking us and we thought it might be better to pretend we were taking a selfie and not just stopping because we were paralyzed with fear and thought we were going to die. Thanks to @airnz for sending us there and also thanks to the beautiful flight crew who didn't ask me to settle down after losing 2 games of Monopoly in a row and threatening to smash @jackstrattonsmith's iPad. Also if you are planning a trip to @lakewanakanz you must stay at the Tin Tub Luxury Lodge. It is incredible. Also yeah, I said devo.
Yes this is me on TOP OF A HUGE MOUNTAIN IN NEW ZEALAND. Today I got a private chopper ride (what do I think I am? On the Liberal Party front bench?!) to an amazing lunch at @minaret_station and they were like do you want to stop along the way on top of a glacier for a photo? and I was like does Celine Dion want to wear a pearl colored gown every New Year's Eve? and they were all what? and I said the answer is yes. Honestly, it was the most magnificent day. Utterly magical. I felt equal parts Edmund Hilary and Gandalf but realize I look more like Ellen Degeneres on Christmas Day in this photo. @lakewanakanz @airnz #lovewanaka
Today I almost died. Basically I was loving myself a little too sick on the ski slopes. I was channeling my inner Lydia Schiavello and rocking my way down the mountain when I led us astray. What I thought was a beginners track turned out to be a professional track. Anywho. After screaming my way down the mountain I promised I wouldn't make the mistake again and to trust me because of course I wouldn't be stupid enough to get it wrong twice in a row. And then I did it again. And then... again. The point is we're alive and had an incredible time and are now Olympic level ski bitches. Best day. Thanks @cardronanz @airnz @lakewanakanz #lovewanaka