Oh the things you do for Telethon! @sophiedillman and I are about to raise 500k for charity. I thought these were Celine Dion costumes but apparently it’s Elvis?!
This is the most important video I’ve ever shared. Please take 12 seconds to watch this high brow TV moment. I would like to use this as my Gold Logie, Emmy, Oscar and Pulitzer Prize submission. Oh and @takemeoutau is back tonight with a BRAND NEW episode. 7:30pm on @channel7
Well this is bloody huge - it’s official! Australia will be able to vote to find our Eurovision artist who will represent us at Tel Aviv in 2019! ‘Eurovision: Australia Decides’ will be hosted by myself and the divine @myfwarhurst broadcast live on SBS on February 9! Who do you want to see compete? #Eurovision #AUSDecides
I’ve had such a great, relaxing, pina colada filled week in Bali that I thought I’d treat everyone to a photo of my pasty white thighs on our final night here. Or as one lady said to me shaking her head “Your skin is very dry. Like a desert. Ouch”. So that was nice. And further to my last post I’ve continued to be called “m’am” every day and honestly started to get quite furious when people didn’t say it. Really embraced it. Heading home now but parting ways briefly with @jackstrattonsmith as I drop by the Gold Coast tomorrow morning to announce something incredibly exciting. Stay tuned! And if you see me in the next few weeks and don’t call me “m’am” you WILL be ignored.
Hello! I’m in Bali posting lots of gratuitous insta stories of my trip because I just got a new phone and am loving myself sick. Disguising the fact that I’m not in my best bikini shape by wearing lots of neckerchiefs and “resort wear”. Several waiters have referred to me as m’am and one waiter said to another (holding a pina colada) “it’s for the nice lady over there” and pointed at me. I’m feminine AND polite. Anyway here is a photo of me on our villa balcony looking casual. Two minutes after this photo was taken I screamed at my boyfriend I LOOK FAT IN EVERY PHOTO ASSHOLE, snatched my phone off him & stormed off to take a bath. Ah, holiday life eh?
Hey Honey Badger! We are happy to receive you in our viper pit. Careful though... we bite. And everyone else - fret not! We’ll be back on Tuesday Oct 16. #nolikeynolighty #TakeMeOutAU
It’s Tuesday which means we are probably due a new Prime Minister any day now. It also means TAKE ME OUT is back tonight at 730 on 7! Hope you’ve got your finest boxed wine and cubed cheese at the ready. It’ll pair beautifully with the smutty jokes we will be serving up. Piping hot! And then immediately post show I will be having a live Insta chat with the people’s Queen, Mallory - answering all your questions! But let me start by answering one now that I get asked every episode. “How tall are you Joel?” - I’m just over 6”. So yes, some of the blokes are short standing next to me. But I also stand very upright because I have scoliosis (hot) and also because I’m just damn excited to see you all. Let’s do this! #TakeMeOutAU
I love this photo with my Eurovision commentary buddy, fellow junk food enthusiast and dear friend @myfwarhurst. This was at dinner last week before I took her out, plied her with wine and then left her talking to a drag queen for an hour. I was very busy talking to a bartender called Claire who told me a story about she and her boyfriend breaking up. I offered some (slurred) advice and said “just listen and your heart will lead you home” and then stumbled off to the bathroom. I’d never met Claire before nor have I seen her again. And the next day as I was having flashbacks to all the moments I embarrassed myself the night before I realized that the “advice” I had given her were actually just the lyrics to @caseydonovan88’s Australian Idol winners single. Not sure what the point of this story is. But just know that if you ever see me at a bar and ask my advice I will probably just quote a song lyric to you. And I’ll definitely be drunk.
It’s Tuesday which means this week I’ve already had an irrational response to a completely normal situation at least six times. But far more importantly... it’s Take Me Out night @takemeoutau! Oh my gosh so much happens. Mallory finds love, some of our naughtiest ladies join the squad and I look utterly delicious the whole time. And just EFF WHY EYE - we are happy to your new guilty pleasure. So kick back, order something deep fried and covered with cheese, pour yourself a wine(s) and enjoy. And then text a booty call after - why not! Tuesday’s done right! You’re welcome x