I'm back on tour today and pretty devo after spending the past week with this guy in Wanaka, drinking wine and pronouncing town names wrong. Here is a photo of us half way down a black run we accidentally skied down. There were lots of little kids overtaking us and we thought it might be better to pretend we were taking a selfie and not just stopping because we were paralyzed with fear and thought we were going to die. Thanks to @airnz for sending us there and also thanks to the beautiful flight crew who didn't ask me to settle down after losing 2 games of Monopoly in a row and threatening to smash @jackstrattonsmith's iPad. Also if you are planning a trip to @lakewanakanz you must stay at the Tin Tub Luxury Lodge. It is incredible. Also yeah, I said devo.
Yes this is me on TOP OF A HUGE MOUNTAIN IN NEW ZEALAND. Today I got a private chopper ride (what do I think I am? On the Liberal Party front bench?!) to an amazing lunch at @minaret_station and they were like do you want to stop along the way on top of a glacier for a photo? and I was like does Celine Dion want to wear a pearl colored gown every New Year's Eve? and they were all what? and I said the answer is yes. Honestly, it was the most magnificent day. Utterly magical. I felt equal parts Edmund Hilary and Gandalf but realize I look more like Ellen Degeneres on Christmas Day in this photo. @lakewanakanz @airnz #lovewanaka
Today I almost died. Basically I was loving myself a little too sick on the ski slopes. I was channeling my inner Lydia Schiavello and rocking my way down the mountain when I led us astray. What I thought was a beginners track turned out to be a professional track. Anywho. After screaming my way down the mountain I promised I wouldn't make the mistake again and to trust me because of course I wouldn't be stupid enough to get it wrong twice in a row. And then I did it again. And then... again. The point is we're alive and had an incredible time and are now Olympic level ski bitches. Best day. Thanks @cardronanz @airnz @lakewanakanz #lovewanaka
Hello. I'm on holiday. In Wanaka. The babes over at @airnz have sent me here. Literally on a holiday. I'm not sure what I did to deserve this but I guess I've slept with enough flight attendants in my time to clock up a trip. Either that or I'm imagining it and I'm actually just at home with permanent brain damage from my 8 millionth viewing of Downton Abbey. It's actually so pretty here and I've sampled 87 different types of local wine already so obviously I'm loving life. Here is a photo of me I forced my boyfriend to take as I got off the plane. There are a ton of other photos but in all of them I either look like I've flown here myself sans plane or I have eaten twenty doughnuts in the lounge prior - which isn't far from the truth. Yay Wanaka! @lakewanakanz #lovewanaka #betterwaytofly
Sending loads of love to my darling @sophiemonk for her first night of The Bachelorette. I'll never forget being 10 years old at the Bardot concert and clutching on to my dad, crying through the whole thing because I was so overcome with emotion. And I also won't forget standing you up 2 weeks ago because I slept through my alarm. Sorry again. Love you and can't wait to watch you pash many, many men!!!
The Sydney Opera House has never heard this much filth. Trust me. Tickets from joelcreasey.com.au
The last time I was at the Sydney Opera House it was with Oprah. I'll never forget the moment she turned to me and yelled as only she can... JOELLLL CREASEEEYYY, one day you will record your next TV stand up special AT THIS VENUEEEE. I said How do you know that? but before she had a chance to respond Gayle came to pick her up and they left. What is crazy is that she was correct! I actually am recording my next TV stand up special at this very venue, the motherfucking Sydney Opera House, next Wednesday (the 13th of September)!! It'll be a best-of of all my material over the years and I would bloody love you to be there! You can grab tickets from my website which is in my bio. 7:15pm show almost sold out and 9:30pm still has tickets available. Honestly though, total pinch myself moment and I'm very excited. Even my mum is coming! It's THAT important!
Rob Mills doesn't know this but one day I am going to give birth to his children. They'll be called Cosima, Paulini and Nollsy and will be completely gorgeous. Obviously I'm a bit out his league but he has a great personality and owns property. I'm thrilled that my future baby daddy and I will be hosting the legendary Twisted Broadway together in Melbourne next month and it's all for an awesome cause... so grab your tickets stat by heading to their website or by just being generally savvy and whacking all the deets in Google. Truly cannot wait to be the Elphaba to his Fiyero.
If gay marriage is legalized then what next? Will someone try marry the Opera House?. How ridiculous. I had a one night stand with the Opera House once. It was VERY needy. Stayed for breakfast. Seriously - today was an honor. I love you Melbourne. We are going to win the shit out of this #loveislove🌈