I asked y’all if you were cool with me sharing about food + health here or if I should create a separate Instagram account and most of you were in favor of it all staying right here. Transitioning away from a photography business account to more of a personal/lifestyle/faith vibe has felt about as awkward as every other transition in my life lately.😂 I’m still figuring out how this space can be about serving, not proving. Sometimes I feel uncertain that I have anything to give. There are little ideas that probably do connect, but I haven’t woven them tight enough yet. It might be a hot mess. But hey! At least I’ll try to keep it honest + moderately aesthetically pleasing... that has to count for something!😉 As I figure all this out & have wrestled through a really discouraging month with health, thanks for bearing with me and sticking around. Here’s a pretty paleo coffee cake with normal frosting because #balance. I hope you’re having a good Saturday and if you aren’t, I hope you’re at least eating good food.❤️ • Do you have questions for me about food, health, life transitions, etc? I have zero “right” answers, but I can totally let you in on my process.
“Don’t give up. Expect God to get here soon.” Psalms 31:24 Tenacious is my word of 2019. I’m leaning into this loaded concept of holding tight, leaning in, and just not.giving.up. Do you have a word for this year? I’d love to hear it!
It’s my first New Year’s Eve in 4 years that I haven’t been photographing a wedding.🎉 2019 will be my first time in adulthood not documenting love stories for a living. Letting go of that career, that identity of a “professional photographer” has been really hard at times & a grieving process (even as I still wrap up editing from 2018🙈). I know God has more in store. I have lots of ideas and dreams, but honestly lately have felt pretty discouraged & lacking confidence. This fall, I was diagnosed with not only generalized anxiety disorder, but also ADHD (mild, inattentive type) and Bipolar II. These labels can either be used as excuses or they can be tools to better take care of my body + mind. I believe that Jesus is in the process with me to use these diagnoses as a education on how to live wholehearted, even with some extra barriers. What these mental health issues mean for my life - from career to family planning to faith - is layered & complex & I’m still learning how it all fits together. Hopefully my sharing this breaks off some stigma + shame. In it all, my identity is being challenged. I am not my labels - whether that’s “mentally ill” or “wedding photographer.” Jesus is taking me back to the simplicity of “daughter” and “beloved” instead. It’s hard. It’s refining. It’s the kind of burning away that I’m praying will leave gold behind. And I hope along the way, I can continue to share the process with you. Thanks for sticking around this long and I’m excited to see where we go!✨
I am outrageously loved. ❤️ 2018 exposed some deep lies in my life. It was a bit shocking to realize that my issues weren’t just about some traumatic circumstances but went far deeper than that. It wasn’t just about healing, it was a total rewiring. Turns out, I didn’t believe that I was worthy of love. I didn’t know how to receive love or grace or rest. So this year looked like a lot of unpacking my life - in counseling, in writing, in my marriage, in friendships, and in the quiet places with God. I’m still working on receiving love and loving myself. It’s not just a one year process (despite how I want all self-work to fit into tidy timelines). It’s a lifetime of letting love seep into the cracks & crevices of my heart. But today I can say, I am outrageously loved. And I’m closer to truly believing it than I was a year ago.❤️
Merry Christmas, friends! Real talk: this Christmas has felt messy. Internally there have been a lot of emotions & externally it’s felt like everything is last minute & chaotic. But I was reminded this morning laying in bed that the whole dang point is that God showed up in our mess. In the midst of darkness and silence, God showed up with skin on, fully embracing the messiness of humanity by being born to a teenage girl & surrounded by animals. There was nothing glamorous or tidy about the whole thing. Yet the birth of Jesus is being celebrated 2,000 years later. Because HIS willingness to embrace us in our mess means that we get to embrace him in his glory. We have access to God, eternal hope, and abundant life because God became flesh, lived a perfect life we couldn’t live, and died a death we deserved. Then to top it all off, proved his power over sin + death by beating the grave. He invites us to share in that life by simply surrendering our own. That’s the best news. That’s the point. Not Christmas perfection, but an open handed realization that God is not afraid of our mess. We can worship surrounded by straw and hay.