Had the best week in Margaret River with my parents. We drank and ate our body weight in wine and cheese. It truly couldn't be better timing that I begin Dry July tomorrow. I already hate myself and everybody I come into contact with. I feel like I'm awaiting the executioner. A few years ago I was an ambassador for Dry July and I tell you what - it was the wettest fucking July on record. Not sure if I'm meant to admit that publicly? The money still went to charity. I think. Heading out tonight for a few drinks so hopefully a bit of alcohol poisoning will tie me over to the end of the month.
Love it when I get to visit the wife at work. Welcome back to Australia @thejinkx.
In comedy, the technical term for performing a LOT of shows is called a fucking shit tonne. Sooo... not to hit you with too much industry lingo... but I have performed a fucking shit tonne of shows on my POSER tour. And it's been bloody tip top (not industry lingo but just a bit of fun). So what better way to close the tour than in my home town of Perth this weekend!! In tribute here is a photo of me as my favorite Real Housewife and barrister Gina Rinehart holding the West Australian native bird... the quokka. So if you'd like to come along to my final shows I am playing the Astor Theatre this Friday (sold out lol), Saturday and Sunday. You can grab tickets from my website or livenation.com.au. Whichever tickles your pickle. See you there Perth!!l
So bloody thrilled (and a little emosh to be honest) to reveal the cover of my first ever book 'THIRSTY: Confessions of a Fame Whore'. The book is full of my most personal, hilarious, joyous, heartbreaking, outrageous, ridiculous, sexual, and scandalous stories. The lawyers have had their work cut out for them that's for sure. Them: Joel you have no proof that they're a murderer ... Me: no but they look like they are. The book is out in November but it is NOW AVAILABLE for pre-sale by following the links on my website (link in bio). Really the most important thing to note though is that the title will be gold embossed print (it doesn't come out on the screen). Anywho now that I'm going to be a published author I'm going to start wearing patterned scarves, move out to the hills and drink shitloads of herbal tea. Woo! Also if you just saw me on The Project you can grab tickets to my Perth show via my website too. Not many left!!
Holy fuck! I have been nominated for a Helpmann Award! So stoked. I've made no attempt to hide the fact that the only reason I'm in stand up comedy is because my dream of playing Elphaba in Wicked on Broadway is SLIGHTLY hampered by the fact I can't sing/ have a dick. So to be recognised by the theatre and performing arts community really does mean the world to me. Particularly cool to be nominated alongside such wonderful comedians all of whom have had the displeasure of working with me for years. A big, sexy thank you to every single person that has ever supported me, bought a ticket to my shows, sent me a nice message or stopped me on the street. Plus an even sexier thank you to my amazing teams at @livenationoznz and Profile Talent. I love making people laugh... it's the only the only thing I've ever been able to do, no matter the situation... and this really is a delicious cherry on top of what has already been such a fabulous cake (cake = my current tour). Now I really must go... I have Thai on its way and Masterchef is about to begin. Beaming! ❤️❤️❤️
Look, it's been a big weekend. This is how it all began on Friday night. In stark contrast to this photo I am currently backstage during hosting duties at the Australian Book Awards Gala Dinner. I've been swanning around talking to authors and booksellers about my book 'Thirsty' which comes out in November. And let me tell you I have never felt more smug in my life. I'm starting a lot of sentences with Why yes I would love to tell you about my book... or You see the thing is, as an author....
Just a couple-a queens hanging out with the queen who is actually hanging behind us. Kooky! We're off to a denim and diamonds party. I've done a double denim look with a bit of shaving rash. Probably win best dressed. Step aside queens.
My bags are all packed and I am ready to see you tomorrow night Sydney! I cannot bloody wait to discuss Cocaine Cassie on stage tomorrow night. Show is 930pm at the Enmore Theatre. Last few tickets available through Ticketek. And can we please take a moment to appreciate this, the best photoshop of all time? Seriously cannot wait Sydney!!!
All of my Instagrams lately have just been me plugging my tour dates and TV shows so here is something completely unrelated - my mate and I completely wasted at my apartment in London a few weeks back! Also I went back to the gym this week after not going for 2 months and I am in a lot of pain. Don't worry, I promise my next post will be promoting something. Night babies xxx