🥰 𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒚 𝒇𝒂𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓'𝒔 𝒅𝒂𝒚 🥰 so i literally wrote a whole long ass post and insta decided to just delete it. anyway - my dad won't see this because he doesn't understand the gram but I'm posting it anyway. i honestly don't know what i'd do without him. i am so grateful for everything he does for me. always there no matter what. my absolute world. 🌎🖤 and i look flipping cute so why not. 🥺 had a chilled day with him. watched some tv, the football and made him some banging pancakes. a nice relaxing day was definetly needed. 🥞🤤 
🍬 𝒔𝒘𝒆𝒆𝒕 𝒂𝒔 𝒄𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒚 🍬 i meant to post this yesterday but time ran away with me. did the food shopping early so was exhausted, had a nap, went to the pub and then the night fell into complete disarray but we won't go there. 😂 had a terrible day friday. just constantly belittled by someone for not knowing everything right away. i truly don't have time for anyone who is like that. it's just not needed and is down right nasty. 😩 when i got home my lovely friend messaged me telling me i needed to get dressed as she'd sent me something and i needed to answer the door. had this lovely box of sweeties delivered from @thesweetfairydeliveryaldershot. thank you @armitage_gemma you are the best. 🥰💎 
🌲 𝒄𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒎𝒆 𝒊𝒏 𝒔𝒖𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒆, 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒘𝒆𝒓 𝒎𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒈𝒐𝒐𝒅 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆𝒔 🌲 sometimes it's nice to spend time away from screens. i've been trying to be a bit more mindful about how much time i spend endlessly scrolling. finally getting a bit more settled at work and getting into the rhythm of it a bit more. i spent the first week condemning myself because i didn't know everything. which is just so silly. i had a call back yesterday in regards to my initial threapy assessment. she has agreed trying cbt for my anxiety (rather than the depression side of things like previously) is what she would suggest. and if it doesn't work we'll go from there. i'm currently on a wait list which she said is about 4/6 weeks long. so hopefully it won't feel like too long. hope you've all been enjoying the sunshine. 🥰☀️ 
🐒 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒂𝒓𝒆 🐒 i was recommended this book years ago by an old manager of mine. he said it was something they suggested in a lot of management meetings he'd been too. i started it and of course me being me - never actually finished it. 🙃 i took some time out of my evening last night to restart it but this time i'm determined to finish it and put it into practice. 🐒 📚 what are your favourite books that are similar to this? next on my to buy list is 'the courage to be disliked' which i don't think needs explaining. 😌 
🎟 𝒊 𝒔𝒐𝒍𝒅 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒕𝒊𝒄𝒌𝒆𝒕𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒔𝒆𝒆 𝒎𝒚 𝒅𝒐𝒘𝒏𝒇𝒂𝒍𝒍 🎟 today is one of those days where i can't bring myself to get out of bed. 😣 after months and months of dragging my feet and ignoring it, i finally self referred myself for some form of therapy. again. it makes me feel weak in a way. which is so dumb because isn't it the opposite? either way i had a telephone assessment this morning. it's so difficult to vocalise what's actually going on in my head, when half the time i don't understand. i know it's irritaional. i know the intrusive thoughts are stemming from a lot of paranoia. the sane part of my brain knows it's stupid. so where is that part of my brain when i'm spiralling? 🥲 and now my anxiety is running wild because she needs to speak to her supervisor and will call me back. she would suggest me cbt but honestly i don't feel like the stuff i learnt previously will help me. so she doesn't know what to suggest. maybe i'm just a lost cause? 🙃 
🌿 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒗𝒆 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒊𝒔 𝒐𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒔𝒊𝒅𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒇𝒆𝒂𝒓 🌿 ever take a photo and wish there wasn't a dumb snapchat filter on it? because that's me right now. oh well. 🙃 i've been a bit mia this last week. i finished up my old job. got very, very drunk which resulted in me being very sick and hungover. then started my new job yesterday. 😂 i'm very much a person who likes to be in control. i need to know where we're going, what time, how long for. i can't just go with the flow. so stepping into the unknown is something that makes my anxiety go through the roof. that was me yesterday morning. i nearly had tears but i didn't wanna ruin my eyelashes. 😂 since starting propranalol it's the first time i felt ~this~ 👌🏼 close to having a panic attack. but none of the physical symptoms were there besides feeling like my temperature was off the charts. but you know what? i did it. i went into the unknown and had a brilliant day. i was stressing over nothing. as per. 🙃 day off today. given me some time to process all the information that i was taking in. return some asos parcels, did some food shopping and now i'm just spending the afternoon in the garden, ready for another day of learning tomorrow. 😌 
☀️ 𝒊𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒓𝒆 𝒈𝒐𝒏𝒏𝒂 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒚 𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈'𝒔 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒊𝒏𝒈 ☀️ spent the bank holiday in the garden, with lew and the kitties, soaking up some sunshine. whilst covering myself in factor 50 because yano - roaccutane. 😂 {it makes you more sensitive to sunlight and more likely to burn} my mind is truly draining me the last few days. it's all over the place and i am just so exhausted, emotionally and physically. things are about to change and i'm very much a creature of habit. the unknown makes me deeply unsettled. i only have three more shifts left at work and whilst i am glad to be leaving, part of me is a little sad. i'm excited about the next chapter in my career but also a little scared as i don't know what to expect. 😬 hope you've all had a lush bank holiday weekend whatever you've been doing though?! ☀️ 
💊 𝒊 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒐𝒖𝒕𝒕𝒂 𝒎𝒚 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒅, 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒐𝒖𝒕𝒕𝒂 𝒎𝒚 𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒅 - 𝒄𝒂𝒏'𝒕 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒐𝒖𝒕𝒕𝒂 𝒃𝒆𝒅 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆𝒔 💊 so i'm a week into trying some new meds for my anxiety. i take it once a day but can take it up to 3 times a day if needed. i've only on one occasion taken it twice in the same day. how does it work? it prevents adrenaline from making contact with your heart's beta receptors. which in turn prevents adrenaline from making your heart beat faster. it basically decreases physical reactions that can cause panic/anxiety attacks. they don't stop intrusive thoughts or any psychological symptoms of anxiety. only a miracle tablet would do that. 😂 i know when my heart starts getting faster, when i'm starting to get hot, starting to hyper ventilate and start getting the jitters - i think about it more and it just becomes a vicious circle of panic. since taking these i've become a lot more calmer in the sense that i'm not constantly on edge. so overall i think they seem to be working for me and that can only be a good thing. 👌🏼