I have learned my greatest lessons from my lowest moments. I’ve learned that I was worth more than I knew when someone cheated. I learned that I had poor boundaries when I tolerated crappy behaviour. I learned that I needed to be more mindful of my words when I hurt someone’s feelings. I learned that life can bring us wrecking balls that are there to destroy what we’ve built because we’ve built it in the wrong way. • We will all have traumatic and painful experiences, and we *must* strive to see the lessons in them. To see what they’re teaching us. Because here’s the alternative: To respond to these challenges defeated and allow them to define who we are. • So do you see? We have no choice but to continue to look at our lives for the learnings. For the areas we can grow and be better. We cannot let life “happen” to us. We must happen to it. Responding to its deepest shit, reconstructing over and over a stronger and better version of ourselves. • Transformation can be very painful. And the people I’ve loved and admired most turned their pain into their power, wearing their lessons proudly as they walked forward into the unknown. Be one of those people. The people who see their pain as beauty and their challenges as opportunities. #createthelove
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One of the most freeing moments I've ever had was accepting that I'm not for everyone, and everyone is not for me. * I used to get really upset when people would flake, not call/text me back...rejection comes in many ways. And I've learned that, although the feeling of someone not wanting me can hurt, it is not one that is going to be rare in our lives... So I needed to learn how to move forward with greater ease. • There will be many people who will come and go, and just like we have chosen not to pursue some people, others will decide the same about us. • Let it go. Life is too short to spend it marinating in the pain of love that didn't wish for us back. There's someone out there who will choose you, and in order for that to happen you need to move on from the ones you're trying to convince to do that. That should be a simple choice. Not one that requires manipulation, trickery, desperation, and pleading. • You are so much more than you give yourself credit for... The secret is, that in order to believe you're enough, you have to start making the choices that align with that belief. And that begins with letting go of convincing people to love you. #createthelove
If people aren't moving towards us in some way, their words mean nothing. And if they are bringing confusing actions where they make us feel like their partner, but they won't tell people about us, post about us, be public about us, or do anything more than what's convenient, they haven't fully chosen us. • The catch is, it's not as simple as just assuming their actions or lack of means they aren't interested... we must ask them. We must call them out. We must tell them what choosing us would mean. We can't just get angry and lash out... put words to how we're feeling. When you don't tell people about us, it makes me feel unimportant and as though you aren't proud of us, of me. • We must tell them what our boundaries are... and if they don't meet those standards... it's time to move along. You were always meant for a partner who was more than ambivalent. #createthelove
Presence. Sunday. So much movement lately, and now I'm gonna go eat a taco 🌮and chill and enjoy this world and the amazing people in it. Love you all! #createthelove
Fact. Stop fighting for people who don't fight for you. Stop waiting for other people to choose you when you can choose yourself. #createthelove
So many of us have blocks to love… we have things that get in the way to protect from experience our full range of emotions. We don’t allow ourselves to go “there”, because there can hurt. The challenge with this is that we equate love with the heartbreak part… but when we prevent the heartbreak, we also prevent the heart-opening. • We have been hurt. Our shared commonality is that pain is real for all of us. That pain is so often caused by people we loved and let love us…often from our parents and/or from people we trusted. That pain feels like deceit, like a break of trust. • We are born loving unconditionally and trusting the people around us… we don’t have the skills, independence, or ability to leave our parents and to say, “Hey, you’re being really scary right now”… maybe because we were two yrs old, maybe because we were so terrified, maybe because we didn’t have the words, maybe because we just didn’t know. • Subconsciously those moments stay with us… and they live in the ether of our behaviours in relationships. We usually make these pains mean: “When I love people, and/or let them love me, they hurt me.” • So, we often go through life picking “assholes”, finding people who are unavailable, who never choose us… Or, when we have someone who can love us and treat us great, we might not be attracted to them, or, just as things are getting smooth, we start fights and sabotage the relationship. • With all of these… notice we never let ourselves get “there”. Why? Because “there” means hurt. So instead of going there, we keep creating pain and suffering because it keeps proving the story true that we are not lovable and worthy of safe and peaceful connection. • It’s a mindfuck isn’t it?! What’s the solution? First, be mindful that our feelings, both “bad” and “good” ones, are information, and that information is so valuable to guide our hearts. Secondly, know that your ability to feel deeply, is a gift. And though, at times it may hurt, it’s what allows you to love so deeply. Third, check in with yourself and guide your choices with “If I believed I was worthy of love, what would I do? Look for how you get in love's way. Instead of fighting it, guide it.
I was watching a TED talk from Caroline Myss and she said something which I loved, If there's one thing I've learned in all my years as a healer, it's that liars don't heal. • Our body seeks peace and to live in an environment that feels free. Honesty and integrity get us into a healthy alignment where our bodies feel light. So when you're considering what to do or where you need to move your life towards, seek the direction that feels light. Check in with your body. Let your truth exist somewhere other than inside your body. #createthelove 📷: @shannonkaiserwrites