The joy of print. I got my box of @unveiledmag today that features six pages of my work. So thankful for our digital age but analogue still is a different experience. There is something about it, the images come alive when they’re printed, when you can TOUCH them, when your fingers glide over the paper and you feel the subject is looking at you. Much more intimate and intense than looking at them on a screen. x
My biggest pain in life. My greatest joy. My darkest fear. My victories, my lessons and my battles. How I feel about love or what I know to be true (now) - If we’re sitting down face to face and you ask me, I will tell you all of them. I am not sure when it happened, it was a gradual process, a journey of self respect and trusting my intuition and putting down fear: but a few years ago I decided not to hide anymore. I don’t feel ashamed if things go ‘wrong’. I don’t feel like hiding my scars or my wars, my illness or regret. I love celebrating all of life now, all the fullness of it, because you cannot fully feel one without allowing the other. Because what is meant to be ‘strong’ or ‘right’ or ‘embarrassing’ or ‘cheesy’ or ‘cool’ - or insert whatever you want - by social contract is just that: a social contract. Made up. I will show you all of it and I will share my stories. Knowing that this cracks open your heart sitting in front of me too. I hope you will be ready. If not that’s ok, you are on your journey and I am on mine and maybe the two are crossing only for a while. I want to grow into more and more freedom until you can’t find any disguise in me. And when we meet, I will be delighted to find you equally naked, true and free.
I sat in this corner today (which wasn’t as calm as it looks here, but very noisy) and finished @lisagungor ‘s book ‘The most beautiful thing I’ve seen’. It took me ages to finish it, although it is not a big book, beautifully written, poetic and simple, I had to pause after every chapter. All she says has been sitting inside of me for so long. About how the tribe you used to belong to and the faith that used to be a lifeboat, starts drowning you. How you don’t trust those familiar words anymore and you discover new parts of that God, that’s not a Father, not a man, but rather a Mother, Divine Love. How the simple answers are not enough when you’re looking pain straight in the eyes. How labels come off when you open your eyes, when you see. How you find love and truth not inside the walls of a church, but in places you didn’t think possible. This book stirred up a storm in me, bringing to the surface so much fear I have, mostly connected to other people. And it gave me peace. Like a loving embrace, it left me feeling known and understood. There’s more like me out there, I am not alone. We’re all raised on a different ‘dot’ as Lisa calls it, that teaches us who we are and what to believe about ourselves and the world. The dot is not really a dot but just our perspective, it’s our personal conditioning. If your dot was Christianity and if you are not sure what to call yourself anymore, I highly recommend this book. So much grace and freedom inside.
When there are no words, when the right thing is also the hard thing, when life turns a new page and when you have to exist in the tension between loving and letting go, there is grace, so much grace to be found.
#HairyGirlProblems 1847378: Shaving only your lower legs because you can’t be bothered. Thigh hair is soft anyway right 🤷🏻♀️ Also featured here: mosquito bites, courtesy of @valdirose