Belfast you surprised me. 💫
Ready for bed at 9.30, with a cup of tea and the window cracked open, listening to the rain. My perfect night. 🍁🌧
This week marks two beautiful years of living in England. I wanted to write something nice about this anniversary, life here and how this place has embraced me and given me so much and the people I’ve met, but honestly, I have had a bad week. The funny thing is there were a lot of beautiful moments too. Yet somehow the bad ones are sticking to me like static and they are weighing me down. This week was full of disappointments, professionally and personally. I cried a lot and grieved and I found myself missing the familiarity I left behind. The relationships where you do life together. The intimacy that needs no explaining. I love living here and I don’t regret moving country, but I want to be honest. Not everything is easy and sparkly when you start from zero. When you have to build a life for yourself again. When you have to find your place again, as a person and as a business too. It’s messy and hard and as much as I love the challenge there are days I am also tired and I wonder if it’s worth the effort. I know everything comes with light and shadow. So I lean into the pain and the joy. Into all the exciting parts and all the difficult and heavy parts. All of them hold lessons for me to learn if I want to see them. So I spoke to friends this week, who are thousands of miles away but the closest to my heart. The ones who remind me of my core and encourage me to become. They made me laugh, we made plans and told each other ‘I love you’.
The light this morning.
Once in a while I ask myself if my job matters. If what I do has any importance in the grand scheme of things. Two weeks ago I spoke at Photokina as Nikon Europe Ambassador, alongside incredible photographers who document issues, war zones, whose images get exhibited in galleries and sold for hundreds and thousands of dollars, whose work is considered Fine Art and whose names are known to the world. It’s inevitable to ask yourself what the heck you are doing, when confronted with people like that. What does my work do in this world? I am not creating any change, or helping any causes with my photography. So what is it here for? I wrote a new Blogpost exploring this question 📝 Link in Bio xx
How I feel about changing: I feel like I don’t change into a new person, so much as I become more and more myself. I get closer to the core of me, who I am supposed to be. Who that is? I only ever know that for the moment. And I think the best way to put it is, it’s me. I am more and more me. That’s it. Thats all the label I need. I don’t want to label myself anymore or define who I am through my work or relationships or achievements. I am not set in stone and I have gained and lost many identies in my life. Everytime I thought I knew who I was, I outgrew myself. When a snake sheds its skin, it’s still the same after, but it isn’t. It has grown. Bigger. It has stretched and left parasites behind with the old skin. It’s the perfect image for what growth means to me. I feel bigger. Stretched. Reset. I am not someone new - I am simply becoming more me every day. More free, more connected, listening to the wild in me and living in truth.