hangin' with the daisies 🌼
feelin' free 🕊
grief is a word that holds many meanings for different people. i made the decision earlier this year to be more open about my health on social media, but it hasn't been easy. it's been difficult, and intimidating, and whenever i sit down to share the thoughts rushing through my head i seemingly cannot find the words to express what it is i'm truly feeling. so, i tell myself i'll write them down next time, and when next time comes around, i still haven't found the words. ▪ my whole life, i have always suppressed my true feelings. in fact, this is the most honest post i've taken the time to write. throughout the last seven years, i have experienced many stages of grief. when one is chronically ill, they experience many emotions. it can be difficult to decipher where one ends and the other begins. i used to feel guilty whenever i'd experience these negative emotions. however, i have learned that it is okay to grieve the person you were before your world was turned upside down. it's okay to have down days, and to feel sad, and frustrated, and discouraged. it's okay. this time shall pass. that's one promise i have to hold onto daily. ▪ i'm in the process of writing a more in-depth blog post of this particular topic. i was tagged by my dear friend kelsey over at @forthestrongandbrave to help raise awareness for invisible chronic illnesses by participating in the #HonestWritingParty. i have found an escape in writing through my journey with chronic illnesses, and would love to share that passion of mine with all of you ♡
✨ glossy lips and starry eyes ✨
happy mother's day to my incredibly supportive and loving mum. not only does she advocate for me in everything i do, but she has taught me to do the same for myself. i don't think i could ever put into words how much i love you, mum. you are truly the strongest, most beautiful woman i know, and for me to be able to call you my mother is a blessing in itself ♡
too fast for freedom.
forest fairy 🍃✨
this time last week was my senior prom. i know it's late, but i still wanted to post some pictures and videos i captured that night ✨ there's going to be a whole vlog about it, so keep an eye out for that. speaking of, there will be a new video tomorrow! today, i was feeling so inspired to create that i spent the entire day editing a video. i'm so proud of how it's turning out and i cannot wait for you guys to see it 🌸
☆ HEALTH UPDATE ☆ for those of you who are new around here, hello, hey, hi, my name's natalie, and earlier this year i had an abdominal surgery to correct an issue i was born with: median arcuate ligament syndrome (mals) if you are curious as to what mals is, you can check out the link in my bio where i explain what mals is and why I needed surgery to correct it. over the last month, i've faced new challenges. long story short, i need an emergency gallbladder surgery. i am meeting with my surgeon on monday and will hopefully proceed with the surgery later that week. my gallbladder is functioning at only 4%, which basically means it's not working at all. this explains all the symptoms i have been experiencing the last several weeks. much love and thanks to those who have kept me in your thoughts and prayers and have sent me sweet messages that have made my days brighter. i truly do love each and every one of you ♡
twenty-five years. a love as strong as yours is admirable and one i dream of finding someday. i love you both so very very much (and yes, my parents owned a harley back in the day. coolest parents award goes to them ♡ also, if you guys ever wondered where i got my good looks from, i think this post makes it very obvious)
i ain't never gonna stop loving you
*films one makeup tutorial and immediately feels like a beauty guru*
vendredi, mon amour
❝and I on a soft pillow will lay down my limbs.❞ - Sappho, from If Not, Winter: Fragments of Sappho, tr. by Anne Carson
lovin' all this sunshine ♡
mellow yellow 🍯
oh, mr. sun ☉
❝There's so much spring in the air--there's so much lazy sweetness in your heart.❞ - F. Scott Fitzgerald, This Side of Paradise
the teeniest, tiniest sliver of a sneak peak of my dress for prom this year 🌷 eeeeppp!! i can't wait for you guys to see the entire thing ⚘
the end of many things.
“All her grace was in her vagueness. Her voice was soft, her manner languid, her features blurred and dreamy;” — Donna Tartt, from The Little Friend
u make me happy (:
“She, essence of serenity,” — Dorothy Livesay, from The Selected Poems; “Bartok and the Geranium,”
going back home ☆
*the last two pictures are of my surgical scars, so if you would rather not see that, don't look at photos 9 & 10. i realize this post is not going to write itself and i need to stop prolonging it. for those of you who are unaware, i had surgery on the 24th of january. hence my one month hiatus. it has taken a toll on my body, but this surgery was necessary if i wanted my life back. i have had my ups and downs, and some days are certainly harder than others, but I now know that i am finally on the road to recovery after seven years of searching for answers. the reason i had surgery is because i have a condition called MALS. this condition is what caused my chronic stomach pain ever since i was a child due to the fact MALS is a disease one is born with. my family and i had to travel out of state to meet with the doctor who performs this surgery. of course, i could elaborate more, but this post is quite long as it is. i filmed a video on how i have been one month post-op. i plan on posting that sometime this week. if you have any questions at all, feel free to dm me. i am be more than happy to answer any questions you all may have. thank you for taking the time to read this post. i also want to thank those who have stuck around since my absence. i know it's been awhile, but i plan on posting more soon ♡
i was reluctant to share this, but since i've decided to be more honest about my health, i figured i should give you guys an update. my MALS surgery will be taking place tomorrow morning. i will most likely be out for several days or so. however, i will try my best to keep everyone updated on my insta stories and possibly a few posts here and there. i filmed a video last week explaining what MALS disease is and why surgery is the only way to fix this problem. i plan on uploading it once i'm out of the hospital/feeling a little bit better. today was a day of many lasts for me. the last time i have to try and tolerate feeds. the last time i wake up with MALS pain in my stomach. it's still so much to grasp. my new life begins tomorrow, and i can hardly wait. a huge thank you to everyone who has shown me love and support through all of this. i love each and every one of you. the messages you send me here on instagram make my day. if you have any questions at all, please feel free to dm me. as i said, i'll most likely be out for several days, so please bear with me ♡
Softly. Far from my eyes. Near my heart but in the soul; near love, - Grégoire Le Roy, from “Shadow Music,” written c. January 1921
“I hope she'll be a fool -- that's the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool.” 🌹 F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby
daydreaming of warmer days ❄
diabolically angelic 🕊
golden girl 🌟
For a moment yet with moons and roses, - then the unmitigated dark. - Edna St. Vincent Millay 🌹
today, on my channel, i uploaded a video sharing a very personal part of my life. something i have not shared on social media yet is my daily struggles with chronic illnesses. over the last year and a half we have made some discoveries in regard to my health that require surgery to get the relief i have been searching for these last seven years. words cannot even begin to express how thankful i am to have found these answers. yes, recovery will be trying. it will be long and difficult, as well. but i am so incredibly lucky to have a wonderful support system of friends and family who have been with me through all of this. not to mention, i serve a wonderful and loving God who has pulled me through many tough situations. 2019 is going to be a very big year. i can feel it. and because of that, i decided that i was finally ready to share this part of myself with all of you. whether you're going through a similar situation as i am, or are curious to know more about my conditions, please feel free to dm me with any questions you have ♡
Whenever you feel like criticising anyone, just remember that all the people in this world haven't had the advantages that you've had. - The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald
The only lover she had ever wanted was a lover in a dream. - F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Beautiful and Damned
bringing some bling into 2019.
i have a feeling 2019 and i are going to the best of friends.
slightly parted, slightly parched.
thinkin' bout u
went to the bookstore today and purchased so many beautiful books i could just cry with joy :')
peekaboo & merry christmas to u ❤
got a secret.
Translucence. Beauty. Wintry daylight. It all fills me with such holy moments. - Katherine Mansfield
art: a history.
The days passed, more and more dreamlike.
today's adornments ⚘
rosy knits 🌹
silk & silhouettes.
She looked over his shoulder For vines and olive trees, Marble well-governed cities And ships upon untamed seas, But there on the shining metal His hands had put instead An artificial wilderness And a sky like lead. - w. h. auden, the sheild of achilles
please don't break my ceramic heart.
I am an old boudoir full of withered roses. - Charles Baudelaire 🌹
i went to my favorite antique shop today with my family and it made me feel like i do on christmas morning only a thousand times better. i picked up so many lovely pieces that i imagine have the most beautiful back stories 🕊
and everything burned in blue, everything a star - Pablo Neruda
hazy sunday afternoons.
Have you ever really thought about how when you look at the moon, it's the same moon Shakespeare and Marie Antoinette and Van Gogh and Cleopatra looked at?