“All her grace was in her vagueness. Her voice was soft, her manner languid, her features blurred and dreamy;” — Donna Tartt, from The Little Friend
u make me happy (:
“She, essence of serenity,” — Dorothy Livesay, from The Selected Poems; “Bartok and the Geranium,”
going back home ☆
*the last two pictures are of my surgical scars, so if you would rather not see that, don't look at photos 9 & 10. i realize this post is not going to write itself and i need to stop prolonging it. for those of you who are unaware, i had surgery on the 24th of january. hence my one month hiatus. it has taken a toll on my body, but this surgery was necessary if i wanted my life back. i have had my ups and downs, and some days are certainly harder than others, but I now know that i am finally on the road to recovery after seven years of searching for answers. the reason i had surgery is because i have a condition called MALS. this condition is what caused my chronic stomach pain ever since i was a child due to the fact MALS is a disease one is born with. my family and i had to travel out of state to meet with the doctor who performs this surgery. of course, i could elaborate more, but this post is quite long as it is. i filmed a video on how i have been one month post-op. i plan on posting that sometime this week. if you have any questions at all, feel free to dm me. i am be more than happy to answer any questions you all may have. thank you for taking the time to read this post. i also want to thank those who have stuck around since my absence. i know it's been awhile, but i plan on posting more soon ♡
i was reluctant to share this, but since i've decided to be more honest about my health, i figured i should give you guys an update. my MALS surgery will be taking place tomorrow morning. i will most likely be out for several days or so. however, i will try my best to keep everyone updated on my insta stories and possibly a few posts here and there. i filmed a video last week explaining what MALS disease is and why surgery is the only way to fix this problem. i plan on uploading it once i'm out of the hospital/feeling a little bit better. today was a day of many lasts for me. the last time i have to try and tolerate feeds. the last time i wake up with MALS pain in my stomach. it's still so much to grasp. my new life begins tomorrow, and i can hardly wait. a huge thank you to everyone who has shown me love and support through all of this. i love each and every one of you. the messages you send me here on instagram make my day. if you have any questions at all, please feel free to dm me. as i said, i'll most likely be out for several days, so please bear with me ♡
Softly. Far from my eyes. Near my heart but in the soul; near love, - Grégoire Le Roy, from “Shadow Music,” written c. January 1921
“I hope she'll be a fool -- that's the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool.” 🌹 F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby
there's snow on the ground that's already begun to melt and i think i miss it, but not as much as i miss summer and surely not as much as i miss you ♡
daydreaming of warmer days ❄
diabolically angelic 🕊
golden girl 🌟
For a moment yet with moons and roses, - then the unmitigated dark. - Edna St. Vincent Millay 🌹
today, on my channel, i uploaded a video sharing a very personal part of my life. something i have not shared on social media yet is my daily struggles with chronic illnesses. over the last year and a half we have made some discoveries in regard to my health that require surgery to get the relief i have been searching for these last seven years. words cannot even begin to express how thankful i am to have found these answers. yes, recovery will be trying. it will be long and difficult, as well. but i am so incredibly lucky to have a wonderful support system of friends and family who have been with me through all of this. not to mention, i serve a wonderful and loving God who has pulled me through many tough situations. 2019 is going to be a very big year. i can feel it. and because of that, i decided that i was finally ready to share this part of myself with all of you. whether you're going through a similar situation as i am, or are curious to know more about my conditions, please feel free to dm me with any questions you have ♡
Whenever you feel like criticising anyone, just remember that all the people in this world haven't had the advantages that you've had. - The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald
The only lover she had ever wanted was a lover in a dream. - F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Beautiful and Damned
bringing some bling into 2019.
i have a feeling 2019 and i are going to the best of friends.
slightly parted, slightly parched.
thinkin' bout u
went to the bookstore today and purchased so many beautiful books i could just cry with joy :')
peekaboo & merry christmas to u ❤
got a secret.
Translucence. Beauty. Wintry daylight. It all fills me with such holy moments. - Katherine Mansfield
art: a history.
The days passed, more and more dreamlike.
today's adornments ⚘
rosy knits 🌹
silk & silhouettes.
She looked over his shoulder For vines and olive trees, Marble well-governed cities And ships upon untamed seas, But there on the shining metal His hands had put instead An artificial wilderness And a sky like lead. - w. h. auden, the sheild of achilles
please don't break my ceramic heart.
I am an old boudoir full of withered roses. - Charles Baudelaire 🌹
i went to my favorite antique shop today with my family and it made me feel like i do on christmas morning only a thousand times better. i picked up so many lovely pieces that i imagine have the most beautiful back stories 🕊
and everything burned in blue, everything a star - Pablo Neruda
hazy sunday afternoons.
Have you ever really thought about how when you look at the moon, it's the same moon Shakespeare and Marie Antoinette and Van Gogh and Cleopatra looked at?
Golden October declined into sombre November... - T. S. Eliot
the leaves have fallen, and i miss them all.
autumn, i fall more and more in love with you each and every day.
the leaves fell for autumn and i with them.
Emma Woodhouse, handsome, clever, and rich, with a comfortable home and happy disposition, seemed to unite some of the best blessings of existence; and had lived nearly twenty-one years in the world with very little to distress or vex her.
I was aware that the sun was sinking behind me, golden in the October afternoon. - D.H. Lawrence
butterfly wings and autumnal daydreams
Since the disastrous episode of the pixies, Professor Lockhart had not brought live creatures to class.
drown me in october.
the leaves are changing and the air is nippy and i am happy 🍂
my cozy little corner ♡ do you have a favorite reading spot?
kinda wish i lived in a little cottage in the french countryside surrounded by lavender bushes and butterflies
uploaded a brand spankin' new video today (*ahem* #linkinbio go check it out *winky face*) and, like, i actually talk in it?? using words??? quite a concept, i know
☆ autumn bucket list ☆ - go on a haunted hayride - decorate a pumpkin - make the house smell sweet with many tasty treats - read a book from my endless tbr pile - take pictures in the park - press some leaves - have a million harry potter movie marathons - purchase a bouquet of sunflowers - go apple picking - wait up all night in a pumpkin patch to meet the great pumpkin
what's your favorite sPoOkY movie? 🎃🔮👻
the coziest of sweaters 🌹
*in my best british accent* mr. and mrs. dursley, of number four, privet drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much.
Rain on roof outside window, gray light, deep covers and warm blankets. Rain and nip of autumn in air; nostalgia, itch to work better and bigger. That crisp edge of autumn. - The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath, 26 August 1956 in Paris ♡ ps there's a new video on my channel :)
may it be your spookiest season yet 🍁🎃☄