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I've been having a hard day, week, & month, so while attempting to get this girl to sleep for what seems like the thousandth time, I found myself scrolling back through photos of happy Hazel from this week. Totally unedited, slightly blurry, full of smiles. And it got me thinking. I was thinking tonight that yes, I can very clearly picture life without Hazel, because just over a year ago, we didn't know about her at all. I would be sleeping through the night gloriously & the pets would be getting their normal amount of attention & this separation from Ben wouldn't be as hard. I'd still be working and maybe would have started my masters. But man, for all that, it makes me so sad to think about her not being here with us. As hard hard hard as it is and as dark as moments can be for me lately, my goodness, she gives me a whole new purpose and meaning for life. I had been dreaming of having her for so many years. I think back to that vivid dream I had in early pregnancy where I saw myself holding a baby girl in the hospital, and it was totally absolutely 100% her. Anyways, despite being kept up since 4:30am by an often-crying baby today, I am just feeling the love through the hardships. And am typing it out so I can look back on it when I need to. #heytherehazie #honestmotherhood #babiesarehard
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Wrapped up a week-long visit from my parents & my sister - and wow, there is almost nothing better than seeing your family love on your little baby 💗 my heart exploded into a million pieces and came right back together countless times this week. Can't wait for Christmas so we can see them again!! #heytherehazie
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This girl, those eyes, that fluffy hair 😍 #heytherehazie
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This sweatshirt may be a bit big on my little peanut, but I couldn't wait! Hazel turning 3 months old also meant that we've been breastfeeding for 3 months - if you asked me if that would be possible when she was a week old, I don't think I would have said yes. I had always *heard* that breastfeeding was hard, but I didn't really *get* that until I was cluster feeding a screaming newborn who couldn't figure out how to latch, or even take a bottle. I didn't get it until I woke up covered in milk from my oversupply, or until later when I struggled to pump one ounce. I didn't get it until I started obsessing about her weight gain, which has not been stellar. I didn't get it until I had a panic attack while nursing her because it was all just TOO MUCH, and she stopped nursing to watch my tears fall with a look of worry. I didn't get it until I shared my story with friends & found out that almost every other breastfeeding mama has hit a few bumps in the road. We are still struggling, and I'm doubtful I will ever have an effortless nursing relationship with this sweet girl, but hey, here we are. Every ounce she gains is a giant victory in my book. Baby steps. 💗 #heytherehazie #breastfeedingmama
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This little turkey is 3 months old! She {loves} standing, staring at the baby in the mirror, eating her hands, smiling at mom, and squeaking. She {hates} falling asleep, staying still, eating, being left alone for one second, and stoplights. She has kept us on our toes from day one & continues to amaze and challenge us every day!! #heytherehazie #threemonthsold #oopsyesterday
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Happy turkey day from this little nugget! Her onesie says it all 😉 #heytherehazie #thanksgiving2018
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I can't handle this level of cute #heytherehazie #ignoremyface
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Needing this reminder more times than I can count, and it's only Monday! But then again, babies don't care about the day of the week 🤷♀️
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Thanks for napping long enough to let me take a shower this morning, lil bean 💗 #itsthelittlethings #heytherehazie
