He loves me, he really loves me! 😍 Today is my birthday and my hubby has done a fantastic job rounding up my favorite things. Wine, cookie cake and a new strap for my Fitbit Versa!
I conquered anxiety yesterday and I am really fucking proud! So, if you read my post yesterday you know that my day didn’t start out great. I had a restless night full of nightmares and high anxiety. I was exhausted when I woke up. I still felt anxious. It was nice and sunny yesterday morning, but rain was due to roll in later in the day. I knew if I wanted to get in a walk I had to go ahead and get it done. I have experienced high anxiety and even a panic attack while on my walks, so I was apprehensive about getting too far away from my house...from my comfort zone. I knew that if I gave in to my fear, it would only give my anxiety strength. So I put on my tennis shoes and I went on that fucking walk. I was anxious for the first third of the walk, but I worked hard to refocus my thoughts into something empowering. It was hot and humid, and my anxiety is triggered easily by the heat, so I also had to push through those mental hurdles. At some point I got into the zone and I ended up walking for almost an hour and by the time I finished I felt great. This was only one moment of many, but I’ve learned to take my anxiety one moment at a time and I’m very thankful that I can count this one as a victory. Take that, anxiety. 👊💥
I had a terrible night's sleep last night. I had multiple nightmares. I would wake up after each one, then fall back into another when I drifted back to sleep. Each time I woke up, I had high anxiety. My heart pounded. I felt like something bad was about to happen, like I might have a heart attack. This morning I feel exhausted. I still have a funny feeling in my chest and a general sense of unease. I am trying to practice my mindfulness techniques. I am acknowledging that the feelings I'm having are a result of anxiety. I am reminding myself that I am okay. Nothing bad is going to happen. But all mindfulness and coping techniques aside, let me just say that I hate this. I hate being overly aware of how my heart is beating. I wish I was blissfully unaware; not feeling the need to think about it at all. I hate feeling worn down as soon as I get out of bed. I should feel refreshed and energized and ready to start my day. But my anxiety training tells me those thoughts are not helpful. I need to redirect myself to a place of acceptance so I can deal and move on. ▫️ ...I'll do that after I've pouted a little more. 😒
Believe it or not, thanks to my anxiety 𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘺 𝘣𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦. In 2016 I had my first panic attack. During the weeks that followed, I completed an outpatient psychiatric program and started an entirely new chapter of my life: living with anxiety and a panic disorder. I am relieved to say that my anxiety is successfully managed now, but I remain vigilant every day to keep it under control. It may be surprising to hear, but my anxiety is actually the best thing that ever happened to me. In an effort to bring my anxiety under control, I was forced to look deeply at my life and evaluate what made me happy and what was just weighing me down. I am now on a journey where I live in a constant state of mindfulness. I maintain my physical health by taking medication and through diet & exercise and I only make time for things that bring me peace and joy.
We spent some time in nature today, and it was great. I don't know about you, but being outside soothes my soul. 🌸🌳
Last night I woke up around 2AM and I could feel my anxiety creeping in. I started taking deep, measured breaths. I was still tired and I used this to my advantage, hoping I could lull myself back to sleep. My thoughts raced. They were intrusive and grim. 𝘔𝘺 𝘬𝘪𝘥𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘊𝘖𝘝𝘐𝘋-19 𝘪𝘯𝘧𝘭𝘢𝘮𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘺 𝘴𝘺𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘦. 𝘔𝘢𝘺𝘣𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘢𝘭𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘵, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺'𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘺𝘦𝘵 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘺𝘮𝘱𝘵𝘰𝘮𝘴. 𝘈𝘮𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘤𝘢'𝘴 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘨𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘳𝘶𝘱𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘶𝘱𝘱𝘭𝘺 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘺 𝘣𝘶𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘢𝘤𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘳𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘢𝘭𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘰𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘦. 𝘞𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘰 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳. 𝘔𝘺 𝘧𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘺 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘰𝘭𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘤𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘦'𝘷𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘴𝘵 15 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘯𝘦. I had an internal dialogue to combat this catastrophic thinking. 𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘯 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘴𝘪𝘤𝘬. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘦 𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘳𝘨𝘺 𝘣𝘺 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨. 𝘉𝘦 𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘯𝘰𝘸. 𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘧𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘺 𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘵𝘩𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘢𝘧𝘦. 𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘣𝘶𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘤𝘶𝘳𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘭𝘺 𝘧𝘶𝘯𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘰𝘳 𝘴𝘦𝘵𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬𝘴. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘰𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘯𝘰 𝘪𝘮𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵. It helped. I was eventually able to drift back to sleep. I have hope that with the proper diet, exercise and medication routine, my anxiety will simply disappear. I am frequently reminded that isn’t likely to happen. However, I practice my coping mechanisms daily and my ability to manage the anxiety grows stronger. All I can do is take it one episode at a time, and continue to live with gratitude for each peaceful moment. For those of you with anxiety, do you feel like you have coping mechanisms to manage it? What do your coping skills consist of?
🚴♀️ I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride my bike. I was able to get in a 6-mile bike ride today before the rain rolled in. One of the unexpected perks of quarantine is my newfound flexibility to work in exercise and the preparation of healthy meals. My body and my mind are much better for it. 🧘♀️ ▫️ 👉 What are some of your unexpected quarantine perks?
Getting dressed is half the battle. 💪🏻 ▫️ For me, anyway. I've started exercising regularly to help manage my anxiety. I feel like it's helping. If anything, it's making me feel healthier over all. I've always had a love/hate relationship with exercise. It was a means to an end...and usually that end was to get skinny. Spoiler alert: that way of thinking always ended in failure for me. Now that I view exercise as a means to stay mentally healthy, it's become something I look forward to doing! Taking away the stress of going after the most calories burned has helped a lot. I stick to exercises that I enjoy - walking, biking, yoga. I go ahead and put on my workout clothes in the morning so I'm ready to go whenever the opportunity presents itself. (A luxury I didn't have before quarantining at home with the kids.) ▫️ The rest just falls into place. 🧘🏻♀️ ▫️ Tell me about your relationship with exercise! Love it? Hate it? Avoid it all together? Leave me a comment below! 👇🏻
My #SelfCareSunday activity is going to pick up groceries by myself. 🧘🏻♀️
My body finally decided that it'd had enough. Three weeks ago I stopped eating shit foods and I started exercising regularly. I didn't do it to lose weight (although that's an added bonus.) I did it to manage my anxiety. After yet another panic attack, I was hashing out my health with my husband. 𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘦? 𝘐 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘮𝘦𝘥𝘴 𝘧𝘢𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘧𝘶𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦. 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘮𝘦? I imagine my anxiety management as a checklist. ▫️ ✅ I take my medication ✅ I check-in regularly with my doctor ✅ I meditate ✅ I keep my stress levels low ✅ I practice Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Yet there are two techniques that are very important but missing from my list... ▫️ ❌ Eat healthy ❌ Exercise Yeah...I definitely haven't been doing that. I've struggled with both of these things my entire life. They've always felt like terrible chores, the kind I'd prefer to avoid at all costs. But after my panic attack a few weeks ago, I finally decided that I've had enough. I figured that I should try ALL of the tools at my disposal before coming to the conclusion that my body is broken. So I started tracking what I eat to hold myself accountable for my food choices and I began exercising for at least 30 minutes per day 5-6 days a week. And guess what? I'm feeling better. Who would've thunkit? Now, my anxiety hasn't disappeared completely but it is a lot better. Mostly, I just feel healthier overall. If anything maybe living healthier will put me in a better frame of mind to manage the anxiety when it hits. I'm only 3 weeks in, so the jury is still out. But I'm feeling good about my prospects.